What Have I Learned Since Starting this Blog?
It has certainly been an adventure since I started turning ink into digital code, and the adventure hasn't simply been in the transition but in my mind as well. Surprisingly, I've had to shift my thought patterns to address motivation on a different level than school or work has ever done for me. This style of motivation is for myself, which I've always deterred as something I can do later when I have time or when it's convenient. When the imperative circumstance affects an outcome to my immediate goals, such as school grades or getting paid, my motivation kicks in and I force myself to do the work. My attitude has always been different toward the things I do for enjoyment, like writing and playing video games. The most important thing I've learned over the past 200 blog postings is how to motivate myself. If I don't have that motivation, I fail to accomplish my commitments that I've established for myself (above all).
In regards to commitments I've learned quite a bit as well. Holding true to the promises I deem important has been a struggle with my blog. In the beginning I was able to promise one blog per day. I kept to this goal as much as I could; but circumstances over the past two months has slowed down my ability to write, much less post a blog. Part of me thinks I have failed you (my readers/fans) and failed myself. Another part of me knows there is disappointment floating around somewhere. I care not to grab it so I associate it with your intentions, and I know this is a selfish thing to do because I can be the only one truly disappointed in my own work (although... I guess you could be disappointed as well... but how would I know?). Ultimately, I don't entirely feel bad about not sticking to this goal of "one blog a day" because I have simply shifted my focus to other areas in my life: 19 credit hours in school and (for a time, two jobs) a full time managerial job. Thus, I've learned to not punish myself for not holding to a commitment like this. Yes it's a promise to myself first, and a promise to you second, but the intention is to motivate me to write more, write better, and find a strength and uniqueness in my voice.
Another huge thing I've learned is how much of a poet I am. Poetry is fun, beautiful, and intriguing to me. I realized how intense I see my own poetry, even knowing a lot of it is first drafts they hold an intrinsic depth akin to my mood, heart, beliefs, and personality. Looking back through all of them makes me wonder if others understand what I'm saying and the meaning behind my words. (And if you don't, I URGE you to please please PLEASE leave a comment and I'll explain, dig, and illuminate what I've done!)
In regards to commitments I've learned quite a bit as well. Holding true to the promises I deem important has been a struggle with my blog. In the beginning I was able to promise one blog per day. I kept to this goal as much as I could; but circumstances over the past two months has slowed down my ability to write, much less post a blog. Part of me thinks I have failed you (my readers/fans) and failed myself. Another part of me knows there is disappointment floating around somewhere. I care not to grab it so I associate it with your intentions, and I know this is a selfish thing to do because I can be the only one truly disappointed in my own work (although... I guess you could be disappointed as well... but how would I know?). Ultimately, I don't entirely feel bad about not sticking to this goal of "one blog a day" because I have simply shifted my focus to other areas in my life: 19 credit hours in school and (for a time, two jobs) a full time managerial job. Thus, I've learned to not punish myself for not holding to a commitment like this. Yes it's a promise to myself first, and a promise to you second, but the intention is to motivate me to write more, write better, and find a strength and uniqueness in my voice.
Another huge thing I've learned is how much of a poet I am. Poetry is fun, beautiful, and intriguing to me. I realized how intense I see my own poetry, even knowing a lot of it is first drafts they hold an intrinsic depth akin to my mood, heart, beliefs, and personality. Looking back through all of them makes me wonder if others understand what I'm saying and the meaning behind my words. (And if you don't, I URGE you to please please PLEASE leave a comment and I'll explain, dig, and illuminate what I've done!)
What do I See Coming Down the Road?
My heart tells me this blog will be around for a long time. I hope that many of the postings that I've built will inspire me to write books of poetry or collections of short stories; and possibly even expand into novels, trilogies, or series revolving the circumstances or events constructed here. I see a lot more critiques forthcoming as well. I'm reading new books that I've desired to read for a long time and my new academic, analytical, and critical eye is pushing my comprehension to even deeper levels. Literature is one facet of my life I will forever be swimming in. It's much like my room, actually... I have hundreds of books stashed away anywhere I can fit them. Most of them are creative works: fantasy, science fiction, and fiction; but I'm slowly massing a nice collection of physics, astronomical, and mathematical books that I'm fully enjoying! I know... I'm odd.
What do I Wish For?
I hope that more of my readers/fans/critics will participate more. I know my absences stretch on for a while as stressful events unfold and time slips away into the abyss of school and work; but I hope that loyalties continue to read what I've disseminated and will chime in with questions or suggestions or advise. Ultimately, I want more requests! If you want to see me write something in particular (new/different/ a continuation), let me know! It'll move those thoughts, those inspirations, to the forefront of my thoughts (even in class while I struggle through Physics) and I'll pop something out much faster.
Lasting Words:
As I believe I've written several times before:
The Road goes ever on and on
Down from the door where it began.
Now far ahead the Road has gone,
And I must follow, if I can,
Pursuing it with eager feet,
Until it joins some larger way
Where many paths and errands meet.
And whither then? I cannot say.
~Bilbo Baggins
JRR Tolkien
The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
While taking care of my post-op friend, Natalie we passed the not-ready-for-my-next-pain-pill time with a Sex and the City marathon. I know, I'm a little lame - but I'm fully aware of this, so lets move on yes?
ReplyDeleteIn Sex and the City Carrie always starts her column off with a question and then uses her week to find the answer. I know you aren't a columnist, but I think you could make it fun!
Remember when I said I was kind of lame? Did I just request a Carrie Bradshaw-esque addition to your blog? Case. In. Point.
Know what else? I just saw the movie The Ghost Writer. It was really weird, but I thought - it would be kind of strange to write "your" memoir based on a life that isn't yours. And you? Should give that a shot!
However, feel free to not promise anything and feel no guilt because a) you're a busy man and b) if I had REALLY good ideas I wouldn't STILL be haunted by that day (month) I decided to wear matching sweat pants and sweatshirts to school . . .