The Last of June

The last day of June comes early this year: stars twinkling magically, the eastern sky transforms into the morning twilight, slowly the roads begin to be laden with poisonous monsters. I get to witness this last of the month for my last open at the last job I'll allow to diminish my spirit. This last is the lasting first whose lessons are deeply ingrained unconsciously, filtered purposefully, and challenged unwillingly. Saying goodbye to the treacherous June is difficult, though I'm glad to see it disappear into the impossible heap of the past. I care deeply for the spirits who've affected me, as I've seen my effect on them. Their surprised eyes, shocked exclamations, and disbelieving postures create a cavity in my heart that the new challenges will leave unfulfilled for a while yet to come.

I can no longer stay with June. As time turns tramatically through the sky, so shall the inevitable changes in place, effort, struggle, and passion. The carefully placed decisions on a divinely inspired path are leading me on to July, when the heart of battle leads to its climax and will end after August. It must, for the void must be filled and my spirit redeemed in order for my personal success to be attained. July and August might even worsen the sinkhole in the village where emotional despair rains from perfectly clear blue skies. The image of which damages the foresight in recovery because the happiness which comes with leaving June is battered by the storms left so far behind. Hindered doubts forget the causes, but the dampness steams in open daylight as the droplets persist.

Magic in the mind, danger for the heart, and reality for the moment. the next two months will either strengthen or break my resolve in so many areas; three to be exact. Two of which I'm unwilling to let bend to the necessities circumstances will certainly ensue. My armor is set, eyes aglow with fiery determination, hand clenched around my wand and sword, feet planted in the soggy aftermath of the past six years. The mountains ahead obscure my path, though I know the twists and turns unfalteringly. The war will not break me, nor shall it last my entire journey to enlightenment.

Light crests the jagged peaks as June finally begins its end! I begin to see the trials of the mountains for what they are, as I've already noticed in the desperation of my detachment from the past; however, the descent into July is not the formation of a new chapter along the way. It's merely another page in the torturous manner life finds when times are easier than anticipated. Enriching the experience of enlightenment by way of coercing the steepness into the light to grow even higher with rose bushes along the way. My duty is to enjoy the climb, relish in its steadfast difficulty, learn from the causes and reasons which logic forbade teaching in simple ways. Perhaps the armor will need to be relinquished for a gentler ascent, or the readiness of defense lost for the encroaching open arms of forgiveness. The fiery presence of my eyes may lose their glow as they scan the shortsighted horizon for symbols of my path. These things cannot be known yet; but the figure stands strong regardless.

And the path dries with each footfall, leaving darkened prints where my feet spread the moisture methodically. Already knowing that June is almost ended, even with the possibilities July and August bring, my burden feels lighter. Knowledge is increasingly attainable with decisions to leave this time, with an unknown future placed before me only the goal is known.

For now, the mountains lead my vision and address my attention. Perhaps a vale will appear soon to lessen the hardship and relieve the pit of anguish leaving loved ones behind created. This I hope, but do not plan, for. Thus, the shield of promises to myself is placed around me, and the eyes remain forewarned, and my hands hold fast to their objects of protection, while my feet move steadily on and on.

Mindless Casino

They walk, around and around,
bags at their hips
eyes glazed in expressionless
searching.
Many souls lost
in the need to spend in
futile attempts to acquire
necessities
from nonexistent symbolism
earned in miniature lifetimes.
This and that, purchased with
souls
carried in arms fattened or deprived
of true love for the
selfless acts of giving, not
taking.
Once home again with the
useless materialism taken in
temporary joy, the sorrow takes
everything.

3 Haiku From My New Job

Meandering souls
hopeless searching for that
Materialing.

One by one the same
All hoping for something new
tiring soul despairs

So strange to hear it.
One word declaring oneself
from strangers' voices

The Changed Earth (Part 13)

"Charles... What have you done?" Ethan heard himself whimper as he awoke from a drowsy sleep. The sound of his voice startled him: raspy, soft, tortured, and louder than the dreamscape whispers. His eyes opened in a flutter as he sat up abruptly. Remnants of energy flashed away in his peripheral vision in bright greens, blues, and purples.

"Elder Adair!"

Jerking around, Ethan found Alexis jumping into a short jog toward him from the other end of the sanctuary. Her angular face showed with the relief of the world lifting form her shoulders. Instantly, Ethan knew he had slept for too long.

"Elder Adair! Thank the Gods!"

Swallowing to moisten his throat, Ethan asked the most important question, "How long have I been asleep?"

Alexis fell to a sitting position right next to Ethan, her left hand holding him upright as she conjured healing and empowerment energies for Ethan. "Two and a half weeks now."

His lungs emptied heavily.

"We've been worried about you. One of the Council of Gaia has sat with you at all times, but there was nothing we could do. Gaia had constructed a protective cocoon around you. We knew it was nourishing your body but... wow! It's done so much more than that!"

"What do you mean?" Her eyes were wide with amazement, reflecting the myriad of colors illuminating their glade of safety.

"You look... healthy! And... young, I suppose!" Her hands had dropped to her sides, limp with uselessness.

He shook his head. "No. Gaia would never compromise a law of nature."

Correcting herself, "No no, I don't mean youthful and... adolescent like, but young and healthy." She drew her awe out of her face and forced the appearance of serious resolve. "You don't look elderly anymore. Simply mature, perhaps." Ethan looked down at his hands, regarding the firmness in the joints and digits that he had many years ago. "Maybe a healthy, active fifty... not a withering eighty... Yeah, that's it."

Cataloging this information about his new appearance, Ethan moved on through the necessary topics. "What has happened since I returned? What is going on with Charles? Are you alright?" he asked hurriedly, remembering her sudden disappearance during the encounter.

"I'm fine. It took a few days to dispel Alasia's attack. She's quite powerful... more than I thought," she said, trailing off in a disappointed reverie. "Otherwise, things are fine. When I was pushed out of the mindscape, I alerted all of sages and we gathered together immediately to start reinforcing the protections around the islands. Whatever happened between you and Charles had little effect here, thanks to the Council's abilities. Even your new pupil played an important part. Whatever you've taught him so far has really sunk in and he was able to bring Gaia back to us for a short while to assist."

"Nick shows promise... and he may be a much larger asset than we now know."

"He was the one who discovered the fight was over."

Ethan nodded, drawing his eyes back up to Alexis'. "That was his voice I heard then? Right before you all brought me back?"

"Yes."

Pride took a bit of the horror out of Ethan's heart. "That is good. He will learn quickly now." He tried to smile.

Alexis brought her hands back to action and placed her left hand on Ethan's back once more. "It seems the stressful circumstance unlocked his mind. If you want assistance with his training, I will gladly take part."

"Yes, yes... Please. Continue with your account of the events over the past two weeks."

As she worked with the energies Alexis said, "Charles has been very quiet. We've tried investigating what has happened to him but there seems to be even more secrecy around Antarctica completely. They're not simply hiding their civilization... the entire continent is under a defensive shield now. We believe his new strength, and abilities, are so expanded he's able to single handedly protect everything he wishes. Thus, we don't know what's going on underneath his protection.

"However, we've investigated what happened to the Earth. Most of it seemed to be untouched by whatever power he was doing during your fight... but what was affected is ravaged anew. Some of the quiet areas have new volcanoes that aren't quieting, several plains areas are ripped wide with new canyons where molten lava is flowing where rivers should be. A lot has changed and we can't seem to mend any of it ourselves... We were hoping that when you awoke you and Gaia might be able to change things further."

"How much have you told the others about what has happened to me?" Ethan asked calmly.

She shook her head. "Only that Gaia seemed to have given part of Herself to you. I figured you could explain the intercourse between you two better than I could."

Ethan smiled and grasped Alexis' right hand. He immediately felt the strength again, felt the weakness relinquish itself to a younger stage in life just before the withering took place for him so many thousands of years ago. Through the contact, he felt adoration radiate from Alexis as well. "I trust you would have said exactly what needed to be said." Thinking for a second before he began, "And if you would please inform them of what has happened to me, I think it would be best. I need no more pomp and circumstance where I walk. There is already too much of that for my liking."

"Of course."

"Also... I fear we must move quickly. We have to leave the islands as soon as possible. Charles may be subdued now, but this new energy he has will not keep him quiet for long." He looked around the sanctuary slowly, noticing the slumbering bodies interspersed throughout the quiet trees. "I will work with Gaia to find us all a new home. Please ask Antoni to reinforce the barriers so they will last long after we have departed. Tell him to have Nick assist as part of his training. We'll have to through Charles of as long as possible." He stood carefully. "We need to inform Ben of our imminent departure. He'll need to prepare the humans.

"And I must commune with Her. I'll return when I have made adequate preparations."

Alexis' face showed worry again. "How may we reach you if there is need, Elder?"

"Speak with Gaia. I will hear you."

With that, a slight nod of the head, and a quick rustling of her gown, Alexis departed to rally the necessary individuals. As she left the sanctuary, Ethan saw the eastern sky begin to brighten.

A breeze lifted through the canopy and the voice of Gaia whispered to Ethan. Dawn comes with sorrowed veils. Flight prevails in summer days where the land has ripened and the sky is clear. North... north to winter when the snow melts fast.

"North," he whispered to himself as he sidled his way to a standing position. His joints ached form laying for so long.

Sarah McLachlan has done it again.

One voice saved me through my time of woe in high school. It kept me sane, saved my emotions, and preserved my life. Since then I've always loved her music to the point of fanaticism, but I don't allow myself to become crazed at the very thought of her... although sometimes I fail miserably and am overjoyed to hear any news about Sarah McLachlan. It wasn't any different with her new CD release: Laws of Illusion. Furthermore, I wasn't disappointed by what Sarah gave to the world! Here is an example of the beauty Sarah has given us:

"Awakenings"

When we first met the well was dry
A long dark winter passed us by
With shooting stars and hopeful hearts our worlds collide
And so we rushed to fill each other in
Quick to lead our hungry hopes
A feast of our affections we were born anew

With open eyes we tried to make it work
And for a while the magic took
But cracks began to show as soon as things got hard
Like paper walls our feelings tore
We threw our backs against the door
Unwilling to bear witness to the other side

Oh, the games we play to hide the tangled dread inside
The fear that we are going nowhere fast
So we point the finger out, the anger gets so loud
It drowns out all the sorrow, at least until tomorrow... what then?

I took a good hard look at how I loved
Years I squandered falling fast
For any boy who'd have me was so insecure
I'd lie awake alone at night
Full of loathing, compromised
And wondering how the hell did I end up like this

Oh, the tears of rage I cried, when nowhere could I find
An answer that made any kind of sense to me
I point the finger out, the anger gets so loud
It drowns out all the sorrow, at least until tomorrow... what then?

Oh I wanna learn, I wanna know
Will our history crush us or can we let it go?
I'm not the girl I was but what have I become?
I'm not so willing anymore to bend
Still pleasing and conceding
but I'm not gonna lose myself again

(c)2010; Laws of Illusion

This song, in so many ways, speaks to me just like her first album with "Possession" and "Hold On" did on her album Fumbling Towards Ecstasy. Suddenly I feel a passion and connection with events in my life, and each time I hear or read the lyrics to "Awakenings," I see something new and interesting and deeper than what I saw before.

At first I felt the love concerned by the song: how quick and easy it is to fall into infatuation after so long, how tortured and dangerous love is, how beautiful and fulfilling it can be, and how it matures us. Other circumstances in my life took me on a different thought path about the loss of love rather than discovering love. The song transformed instantly to an awakening of new emotions still fueled by love. It was magical. After many times listening to it, I know feel another motif of "Awakenings" is about a love that grows for the self and the strength it takes to find one love.

Even with this all said, I'm sure it will change for me again and again. As most of Sarah McLachlan's music, it's pure poetry written by a beautiful mind whose wisdom is shared through music. I've learned so much about myself through listening to Sarah's music over the years, and I can't wait to learn even more from Laws of Illusion that I need to figure out in one way or another.

Essentially:

Thank You Sarah McLachlan for your brilliance! I love you!

Balance.
A natural existence
Sublime, sometimes, and necessary;
without which worlds would
end.
Perceived realities crashing
like noontime wavering underfoot
as swirling waters tumble visions blurred
by tears.

Emotions
chaotic persistence turmoil bound
relinquish balance
sought with frightful need.
Equilibrium
tears the soul asunder,
weighing sanity with dementia
between care filled thoughts for the
dead.

Community

I am an individual who exists in many different communities in America. Until tonight, I rarely gave this much thought beyond how I was different from what the cultural media portrayed in its stereotyping. However, tonight felt like an induction to a community that I cannot escape no matter what upbringing I had. Attending the NALEO (National Association of Latino Elected and Appointed Officials) reception and awards dinner showed me what I was a part of.

First of all, I acknowledge myself as a writer who is attending college and striving to expand my knowledge of the world and my craft. Secondly, I have a gay man who has worked in the LGBT community to strengthen our leadership, pushed the LGBT youth to go into the world with pride, and allow myself to be an example of an exemplary gay man. Thirdly, I am a witch (to read more about this visit my other blog at http://retakingthepath.blogspot.com ). Beyond this, I rarely designate my being as part of any other community.

The inspiration I felt today was beyond what I had expected out of an invitation to a dinner/reception for NALEO; in which I figured a few ceremonial activities would take place and I would be given the opportunity to hob-nob with elected Latinos and Latino advocates. Instead my eyes were opened up to a community which still needs strength to win the battles it has been fighting since the 1960's. I ate with activists who marched on Washington with La Raza and have been pushing for comprehensive immigration reform for as many years. These heroes have given their entire lives for a dream they felt so deeply within their souls that still plagues their life today. They fear for the generations to come, hoping and knowing what they have accomplished will better their children's children's children's lives so the opportunities available are no different from their white counterparts. This all makes what I've accomplished feel like a raindrop on the aftermath of a tidal wave picked up by a sublime hurricane washing over America.

I realized this community is my community, just as much as I'm a writer, or that I'm gay, or that I'm Wiccan. I am Latino, and this community is ready to ensure I acquire the fullest completion of my aspirations without hindrance from popular society. There is no way I can turn my back on that. No way can I neglect my own responsibility to a people who have striven with an inspiration I have felt before in the struggles I have faced.

But there's more to this sense of community. More to the word community in its essence; but I fear most of the Latino population neglect accepting this deeper sense. I was told a story at the NALEO dinner by a member of the great Salazar family of Colorado, whose origins stretch back before Colorado existed. It was a tale of the family patriarch. Unfortunately, his final years were plagued by Alzheimer's and his mental facilities deteriorated to a point where most of what was said seemed out of place. One day, he came out of his bedroom, having disappeared for several hours, holding his military uniform from when he served for the United States of America. His face serious, determined, awake, he said clearly to his family, "I want you to bury me in my uniform." The family, having been told to never argue with an Alzheimer's patient in a moment of supposed dementia, agreed to his coherent request. Several years later, the Salazar patriarch had a heart attack, and as his son was picking him up off the floor to go into the ambulance, he whispered two things: "I love you" and "Uniform."

His pride, even when his mind was lost to a disease which deteriorated all aspects of his living self, still revolved around two very distinct things: the love of his family and the love for his country.

This to me is community: the ability to distinguish oneself as part of a heritage once different from society by ethnic, religious, racial, and sexual determinants; now acknowledged only as a whole group of locally associated individuals abiding by local legislation. I don't want community to be a designation of difference to separate a minority from the social, popular, cultural majority. Community should be a whole, where the person can be proud of being the same even if his lineage, sexuality, skin color, or spirituality are different from his neighbor's. Where the desire to be buried in your uniform represents the trust, pride, belief and hope in a nation and its people.

Essentially... I believe I have a new community to inherit into my soul, my mind, my heart, and my aspirations; even though I have already been a member of it since birth. New goals were created tonight which coincide with what I believe has been placed before me; however... it means I'm going to be far busier than I foresaw anyway. I'm afraid to list everything I foresee myself doing now, but suffice it to say, I'm not going to let myself down and I won't let my people down. Any of them.

The Mourning Drowns

I open my eyes
My heart closes instantly
Death floods memory

Battling Emotions with Words

battling emotions with words
delicate and precise
my heart feels broken
mind turned to ice

the day comes to an end
Night overcomes
a full moon beckons
tears for the One

alone in thoughtless sight
gentle sighs of mourning
i worry through my words
that She will know their feeling

A Letter of Love

To,

And the name need not be said,
for those whose hearts are mourning
care only for the dead.
Winter's grasp has joined the mind
wherever souls are gentled
with careful motions hard to find
in terms of selflessness.
Speak love and tears flow freely
knowing purity in this
the hug is broken to the caution
of sobs coming and going.
Dare it not to think of one
when holding out the hand
for faeries long to comfort those
mourning on the land.

The words that come are tortured truth
tell tales of better ways
lost behind the soul of youth
returned to peaceful life.
This family whose world affects our thoughts
has lost their loving wife,
and we as souls reaching out
affirm our endless love.
We give you room to shout!

Here we stand for you, our love
and hope to help your heart.
Believe the deepest of your love
has given her to serenity.

In loving memory, we mourn with you.
As love has touched our ability
to feel what we can do.

Love,
[signed]

In Memoriam

Saying goodbye to her is saying goodbye to a mother whose limitless love reached beyond her family and made so many people feel welcome into her life. Her spirit gave her husband and five children lives full of beautiful memories of the hardworking, caring person that she was. Even in the darkest times of stress, doubt, or worry, she exemplified an outlook on life that always knew things would get better. This attitude she shared with everyone who knew her; and with that we have learned to honor her life by remembering the drive to give positivity to everyone who meets us.

Her life was full of stories. Wherever we saw her, she always had a story ready for the world. These tales told of her life and her children, of the fantasies written in beautiful prose, and the experiences viewed through her eyes of wisdom. Her fable is left to teach the world of the honesty of love, the experience of motherhood, the trials of existence, and the affect of passion touching the soul. With appreciation and love, we will take her memory and write our lives with the knowledge her experience has shaped our world for the better.

The Awoken Witch (Part 1)

Part 1:
The Bird

Looking up, the clock said 3:33 in an ominous tone, the colon blinking idly as the seconds slipped in and out of existence trailing the numbers till the third 3 switched over to 4. Claire suspected this moment was like any other minute that happened to read 3:34 on a beautiful afternoon at the beginning of summer. A gentle breeze blowing across the green plains outside her window, grabbing the branches of her aspens which provided a minimal amount of shade to filter the sun's brightness. The aspens' leaves flashed between their dark and soft greens, winking to say "We know something, and always will, that you don't know."

Claire swore she could hear them, but assumed it was her bored, yet content, mind wandering down a magical avenue where life was always interesting. She remained sitting in front of her window, watching the leaves wink and the tall blades of green grass sway. Already the hint of brown crept along the base of the grass: signs of the heat which would certainly overwhelm everyone who lived in such a beautiful place. Balance to one paradise.

She looked at the clock. It still read 3:34 even though she felt like it should have moved on. Her eyes wandered back out the window to her view of the aspens against a backdrop of plains and mountains covered in the bast growth of the spring rains which seemed to never end this year. Winter snows persisted on falling even into May; which was certainly odd but not unheard of. These phenomenons simply helped keep what would end up a dry land moist.

A black bird flew into view, soaring with a large wingspan. Claire didn't know much about birds, had never really cared to investigate them much, but something about the bird looked extremely strange. For one thing, its large wings didn't tip upwards at the ends, like she had seen many eagles' wings do on the Science Television. These wings, though beautifully crafted, were straight, narrow, and jet black. The bird landed underneath a large tree whose canopy stretched wide and provided far more shade than Claire's aspens.

Claire looked back at the clock. When the colon reappeared, the new number came into existence as it should have.

When she looked back out the window to see the bird, a man stood underneath the tree. His shape seemed squarely pointed toward Claire and he seemed a little stooped or old. Claire noticed the tall blades of grass all around him vibrating violently as if a series of miniature tornadoes swept all around him. The wind spread across the plains and some of it ripped its way up the hill to Claire's house.

And when the aspens outside her window began to whisper, Claire swore they said, "Claire. It is time to awaken to the powers of the Land. You will know us when we come."

With very little thought and a chest that felt crammed into a corset, Claire escaped her bedroom with the beautiful Coloradan view of green fields and a old man standing underneath a tree. Moments later, the man seemed to jump to the air and soar away, having magically transformed into a giant black bird.

And Shall the Goodbyes Begin

Hello morning, your early tears drying
on leaftops bound underfoot.
This day has come as any before
though changes happen in the wind
which carries earth and rain
towards the burning dawn.
Past gone by without a care, its
time to learn as lessons
in a life that's torturing itself.
You awaken trilling songs
and beckon the vibrant green!

Hello day, your newness clears
incessant darkness in the trees.
Shy prescriptions in solid trust
allow short steps into the
sunbathed plains where strength is
broadened. Leaving behind helps
looking ahead to a canvas of
sky and earth to paint the clouds
and lightening striking hard.
You allow birthing ideas
and fight unwanted doubt.

Hello eve, you're waiting there:
a vision among the clouds.
I cannot see you unless the past
is but no more... You know; and
pull me away.
And shall the goodbyes begin.