You have entered the realm of a writer.

Welcome to A Writer's Landscape!

You have entered the realm of my mind where words play with the fabric of our existence. This is the map of my imagination: the very foundations of inspiration, musing, and thought splayed for your wandering eyes. Dive deep into the tides of these forces and experience my reality, my fantasy, my world; and if you should be so inclined, share your words with this land.

Peace and Love!

J Hart F

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

My Day

Preparations for my Golden Birthday have been a year long process. Subconsciously I always knew it was the year I wanted to be published, to have that recognition of my self worth by a publisher picking me up and putting me out in the world. It was also the birthday for which I looked forward to the most. Sure 16, 18, and 21 were pivotal years which allowed for the growing responsibilities to be owned, but my mind was always looking forward to 24.

Today is my 24th birthday: February 24, 2010.

Today starts my year, as far as I see it; the year I accomplish my life, start down the road which will actually bring my ultimate dreams to fruition, become who I want to be. As a kid, I thought I would be out of school by now, working and writing and teaching. I believed I would be famous in some way, recognized in the world as an influential artist trying to better the world, forcing people to think about their circumstances and how they affect the worldly community. I thought I would be living alone, possibly with a dog or cat, in the middle of a beautiful forest where nature could speak to me and teach me and inspire me.

As we all know, these things have not happened yet. I am a sophomore in college with so many plans I will not graduate with a '4 year' degree, but more like three '4 year' degrees after about six years...possibly seven. I am not famous beyond my job and friends, though it seems the people I have met and who truly are able to understand who I am benefit from my personality on some level I honestly don't comprehend. Fortunately, or not, I am not published yet either; though this blog is technically a publication in its own right.

I guess what I'm trying to say is my dreams have changed drastically. It's still my goal to be published by a year form today, culminating my 24th birthday in a present to myself which means more to me than anything else (I think). But a month ago that milestone was so brutally beat up and bruised I had to seriously reconsider this year and what it could accomplish. Within eight hours at a conference geared to help support writers become authors, I had gone from 'ready to be published' to 'I've got another two years before I can accomplish my dreams'. It was hard, but I made the best of it (and this blog is that moment's child).

A month has gone by and so much has changed. I am writing again, which I've been struggling to do since I finished writing my first novel. This story has fans, one in particular who inspires me to write more and faster than anyone has ever done before. My blog is filling faster than I actually thought it would, and it has motivated me to change the way I look at my life. Structure has come out of the past month, a structure and precision I have been longing for. Relationships are changing around me, new and deeper friendships are forming, and my love is expanding more than I thought it could. I am happy, even though my measures of happiness and accomplishment are not being met at all. I feel this is so ironic and beautiful and perfect, though I wish I could be happy with those achievements in hand.

Yesterday started a thought process which led to this posting. Yesterday made me appreciate what I've done to ensure this year is perfect. Yesterday was perfect.

This aforementioned fan gave me something which, in its being, told me everything is right. I needed that, because I feared today was going to unravel my ambitions and stick me in tar. He gave me a mounted Blue Morpho butterfly. Blue Morphos have always been my favorite butterfly, they are majestic; shimmering blue wings that flash a green so alluding to the sea, flying in the air after bearing their time as a land based creature, passionate in their flutterings. Rare and stunning to behold. It is also a character in my story, "The Changed Earth" (which is available on my blog!), an important character representing the physical manifestation of Gaia to Ethan/Diodoros.

Essentially, my friend and fan gave me everything I could have wanted for my birthday: a symbol, an assurance, an appreciation, a sense of worth and meaning.

Now I cry. I've started my Golden day with tears of... of... content, even though this word doesn't convey what it truly is: happiness, comfort, assurance, inspiration, friendship, love... It's a birthday that means everything to me, and yesterday allowed for me to come to terms with the weight of today. Nobody, perhaps, knew of today's importance (except now it's out in the world for everyone to know). I didn't even know, consciously, the price of this one day. But now I get to appeciate what I'm doing, where I'm going, and who I have in my life as support, love, and inspiration.

Thank you.


  1. Oh my goodness! You're the first person to make me blush with jubilance since the guy that decided to make nacho cheese Doritos nacho cheesier!!

    You are such an amazing person and I hope that you realize that. I'm so happy that I met you!

    Have an unforgettable (in a good way) birthday, Josheleh

  2. Josh,
    This post is raw, emotional, honest and sincere. I love it. LOVE IT! I think that more than anything, you have experienced growth. When we are children, we all have an idea of what we want to have happen in our lives by a certain time. It's only when you grow up and realize that life happens, that you accept that sometimes things don't happen in the timeframe you hoped they would. I have no doubt that someday you will be famous. You are a wonderful person and I'm just so glad we have become friends.

    Kelly Mocha