Revelations pouring through tears unveil the clouded center of my heart. These thoughts travel, ticking like Time's persistent hands which guide inevitability to its indeterminate resolutions, and beckon rain amongst the myriad of trees wrapping through sodden visions. Leaves whip past my cheek, stinging as they opened my skin to administer the tears upon the wounds bound in my blood. Step by step I'm drawn, through the branches clinging to my clothes, toward a glade with perfect views to the skies above where truth must reign in some fashion to our kind. I can feel Time: careless, relentless, brutal, honest. It suffocates me through this journey. It tells me of myself, where truth stings love even as I fight to rectify the balance of the woods. It tells me the darkness is closing the past, forcing me to acknowledge the undeniable light of the sun --
-- And I step into the glade, immediately looking to the heavens, ignoring the seams of blood stinging in the cool breeze. She looks down upon me, bright among the stars guiding my intuition. The whispers She says are gentle and warm, despite the biting air, and I hear them clearly as if spoken by my ear from over my shoulder. The path of Change goes ever On and On. Stagnation and the Comfort therein are folly. My heart pounds painfully, catching my breath as more tears crest my eyelids. The words are tonic to the confusion shading the paths leading away from the glade and they open to reveal similar ends:
The Wall.
It stands there with proud vigor: treacherous, dismaying, deathly. There's no way to climb over it without injury to the soul. Thorns upon thorns mar every handhold and the voice of challenge blasts downward from the extreme heights. This is where the path has led me, and I fear what remains on the other side even with Her blessings and encouragement. Challenge has stopped me dead in my tracks, just on the outskirts of my forest facing a barrier of ultimate decisions. Move onward and I change forever. Stay in the wood and comfort consumes me with the intensity of boredom. It's so plain what must be done. And yet I cannot bring myself to take the appropriate measures.
Alas, my continuation is stagnant for the moments. Herein is my heart. crackling with the truth which desires the sky.
I have nightmares like this. Very scary. Not "someone smeared with blood is standing outside my window with a pickaxe while I sleep" scary, or even "I caught my mother washing her ball gag with the dishes in the Maytag to save time" scary . . .
ReplyDeleteI'd say it's more of a "where I want to be is so close, but I can't seem to find myself there" scary.
It makes me wonder if I'm my own worst enemy. This is more horrifying than your run-of-the-mill enemy because I know what all of my fears and weaknesses are.
I mean, you see the awful things I say to people I like - can you imagine what I'm capable of telling myself if I ever turn on me?
Scary dude.
and now on top of it all I'm afraid that someone is outside my window.
I'm not as scared of the ball gag thing. Lets face it - my mother probably doesn't even know how to open her dishwasher.