When to Give In.

Inspiration comes and goes. I think everyone can agree with this, even if inspiration seems to hit you more often than others. You can be at work, mindlessly constructing meaningless objects for others to consume and suddenly a phrase uttered in exasperation can stir a thought process which carries a stream of pictures or scenes through your mind during the most inopportune time. Other times you can be sitting with pen and paper in hand, awaiting that inspiration until if finally comes and the words or pictures flow effortlessly onto the page. However lucky these moments may appear, they are fickle and elusive when you desire them most; when all your intention is to have that spark fire brilliantly and allow for the passion to overcome the world about and take the inner eye to a peaceful, beautiful, artistic, poetic place.

So, what happens if you can't acquire this inspiration, if it simply won't come even if that's all you intended to do. When do you give in?

Ultimately, I think I give in when my mood begins to go south. If I start to feel stressed about what I'm writing, then I stop, because I know it won't be up to my standards. It's healthier that way, and it keeps the aspect of interest and fun in the arenas which I work.

Earlier today, while I was at work, all I wanted to do was write. I had a story going, I had plans in my head, I knew exactly where I was going with words... And yet, when it came time to transcribe those thoughts into a tangible form, my brain turned off. I wish I could have given in while I was working and simply sat down and allowed myself to gush out every little bit of that moment onto paper. Perhaps that's the most frustrating part of it: the job which pays the bills which allow me to purchase writing utensils and operate on a computer is the same job that seemingly impedes my ability to follow my dream. Do I give in to the job then, to allow it to overwhelm the space in my mind where inspiration stirs and deny that freedom to the wandering voice.

I did that for four years; allowed my job to overtake my sense of aspiration in regards to my dreams. I had other aspirations with my career which had pierced its way into my mind and denied that ability of seeking, and it wasn't until I quit that the chains were unlocked and I could finish my first book. Have I allowed this process to begin again? The cycle overtaking my straightforward path toward being published? I hope not. I won't give in to that. I'll never give in to that.

Then why am I having this issue now? Where is the inspiration I had only a few hours ago? Perhaps it's in the energy I had, though that's never truly been an issue before (tiredness has always been a great facility for odd inspiration which seems to be so much more symbolic). Maybe I was overly stressed by the end of my shift and I haven't unwound yet. Then this little tangent of a blog should be able to unravel that feeling and release the flow of tears from a broken sky. We shall see...

Ultimately, my frustration is when to give in. When to give in to the barriers which seemingly build themselves without any construction process on a mental level? And are there methods to breaking them down? I gave in, just now, and allowed myself to run with random thoughts and produced a freeing experience which is now letting me find a new inspiration for things I've already thought about. Blah...

Sorry if this made no sense to you, but my mind is an odd place (as I hope everyone's is).