You have entered the realm of a writer.

Welcome to A Writer's Landscape!

You have entered the realm of my mind where words play with the fabric of our existence. This is the map of my imagination: the very foundations of inspiration, musing, and thought splayed for your wandering eyes. Dive deep into the tides of these forces and experience my reality, my fantasy, my world; and if you should be so inclined, share your words with this land.

Peace and Love!

J Hart F

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

My Own Heart-to-Heart

I spoke with myself today.

The words were strange, the intercourse was abstract; but the ideas were simple and pure.

Perhaps the voice I heard wasn't my own. It might have belonged to the crazed; or my loneliness got the better of me. However bizarre the situation appeared from outside it felt completely normal to me. I know everyone talks to themselves in one fashion or another. Mine happens to remain inside my head, though my eyes certainly showed the expressiveness of my queries in my head. I think, loudly, and pursue the harsh subjects I dare not discuss with the world.

One significant discussion circled the status of love and its forebears: lust, admiration, respect, obsession, etc. What interested me most of this dialogue with myself (perhaps a monologue though I would very much like to think of the other voice as Reason, Logic, Honesty... as apposed to my emotion filled diagnosis of many situations at hand) concerned the appearance of the downfall of the many faces of love. Where the words took me startled even my most logical progression of thoughts: do I love anything right now? My answer was yes (as it remains yes even now) but it was a struggle to admit that the 'yes' was a sound and secure foundation to go up from.

I started with: "What do I love?"

Many things... Life, and more specifically My Life. Words, Language, and Conversation. Inspiration, Creativity, and Imagination. My Friends and Family. My Abilities. My Spirituality.

I wanted to get more specific, but my heart told me not to. This was when I shuttered, and I knew a truth was on the brink of existence. It's such a truth that even I could not readily admit it, nor could my body, my mind, or my heart. Several Loves in my life have fallen. Several places I held dear have waned. One, in particular, has shifted so dramatically that action must be taken to properly address the new understanding. However... the action contradicts the emotion. The action belies the truth. The action isn't  what belongs.

And thus I'm left in moratorium. This has surprisingly worked out well because the surrounding circumstances have left me with little time for action; and the comfort of my darkened home, the beautiful lights of the television and computer, and the warmth of my bed have all held me close while I reassess... and reassess... and reassess the same thoughts again and again. They all reveal the same solutions, unfortunately. With much luck, moratorium remains.

But the dialogue tells me of the woe of this state. Reason shows me the detrimental outcomes of inaction, even if comfort and joy can be wrought from its presence. My feet desire to move. My voice desires to speak. My head desires release from this tormenting cage it built for itself with bars of comforting deceit and quiet truths.

Light spills from the balcony on high: virtuous, bright, painful. No fallacy can shadow that which comes from a deeper sense of honesty. Perhaps this intercourse has led me back to myself, where the world has led me away. Now is the time for my words to revel in glorious revelations, and those who love shall understand (we hope) of the courses I take.

But first... Outward words must draw together the forces of love, admiration, respect, and truth, and the world must come asunder and be fastened back together again.

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