You have entered the realm of a writer.

Welcome to A Writer's Landscape!

You have entered the realm of my mind where words play with the fabric of our existence. This is the map of my imagination: the very foundations of inspiration, musing, and thought splayed for your wandering eyes. Dive deep into the tides of these forces and experience my reality, my fantasy, my world; and if you should be so inclined, share your words with this land.

Peace and Love!

J Hart F

Friday, June 18, 2010

Am I Really?

It seemed today was going to be as ordinarily tedious as any other day. For the most part, it didn't disappoint, but something tragic, if I may say so, occurred that gave me quite a shock. The event revolved around a phrase with subtle, intricate meanings, none of which are positive when dealing with an individual.

"Anna thought you were stuck-up when she first met you."


Sure, the story-teller meant well by informing me. Eventually she went on to explain that after the short while that Anna and I worked together Anna realized I wasn't "stuck-up" and really began to enjoy my company.

Well I'm sorry! Eventually coming to terms with who I am and enjoying my company after a short while isn't good enough. First impressions mean so much to anyone's psyche and to be stuck with the first impression of being "stuck-up" isn't one I ever wanted! Sure, I can have a bit of an ego and try to feel smart around people but I've never thought of myself as "stuck-up." I try to be nice, helpful, considerate, genuine and happy around anyone I meet, which usually lands me new acquaintances and friends.

I guess I have to go back a bit further to understand the full effect of this petty statement upon my emotional well being (as fragile as it is anyway). This is the third time I've been reported to be "stuck-up" while working where I do. Each time by someone who judged quickly and then got to know me. The first was with a borrowed employee who worked with me for a day. The second was with an co-worker who worked with me for several months before admitting she first thought I was (and I quote) "stuck-up." And now this one; yet another borrowed employee who judged quickly (much like her boss) and allowed that impression to change the way she worked/dealt with me until she realized I'm not stuck-up!!!

Regardless... I need to figure out what I'm doing that gives this impression. And whether or not it actually works in my favor in the long run, I suppose. I don't like being known as "that stuck-up guy behind the counter...." Understandably, this whole blog is a little egocentric and I'm more than willing to admit it; but the whole point of a blog is to allow people to understand me, get to know me better, and possibly crave more! I wonder, does this blog make me "stuck-up"?

What does it even mean? I've always thought of "stuck-up" as arrogance, self-righteousness, thinking one is better than the rest of humanity, egotistical... I don't think I'm arrogant. Definitely don't feel self-righteous in any way. I'll give up anything (save a few things) that would make anyone else happy. Furthermore, I feel close to the bottom of the chain of things in the grand scheme of humanity. So why does this happen?

A question without an answer: a common theme in my life right now...

1 comment:

  1. Hehe. Poor Josheleh :(
    I don't think you're stuck up at all!


    However, you try to be nice, helpful, considerate, genuine and happy around anyone you meet? Then you need to wear a sign that says so - because you scared the crap out of me when I first met you!!

    Be that as it may - I think you're extraordinary