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Peace and Love!

J Hart F

Friday, January 22, 2010

A Writer's Curse

Perhaps it's simply a case of reading too much into a simple phrase meant to vocalize emotions:

"Heart you," he says with a little twist of his head, the sheepish smile of love's giddiness, all wrapped up with the silly, if not childishly, cute voice.

All I can think is You're just saying this to keep hold of my emotions, even though I know he means it. But for seven years now, it has always been "I love you", not "love you" or any other form of this statement. All the sudden, however, it's "Heart you" every day and night.

Perhaps this is a stigma that I've... forced?... upon myself. Even so, I blame the musical Rent for bringing such an odd perspective to the way partners use language with each other. "Pooky." Maureen uses "pooky" as an instrument of deceit, if I may draw my conclusion out a little. Whenever Maureen is, perhaps, cheating on her lover or thinking about leaving this person, she starts calling him or her (she swings both ways) "pooky."


"Heart you."

And ever since I first saw the musical Rent, when I was perhaps 12 or 13 years old, I started carefully choosing the phrases I use with the people I love. "I love you" is always for true love and honesty and happiness. "Love you," is mostly for friends and acquaintances for whom I truly care about. If ever, oh if ever I said "love you" to my partner there's hell to pay at some end of this phrasing. And in the rarest of occasions, if "love ya" comes out of my mouth, there must be deep consideration of the circumstances in the relationship. Never are these intricacies of interpretation used so deeply with friendships.

This is why I'm suddenly overthinking, analizing, and critiquing the subtle change in a phrase of affection. There is certainly appreciation for the uniqueness he is placing in saying "I love you" by transforming it to "Heart you," but my literary mind reels. It suddenly wants to see the deeper meaning in the change. This is where my curse rests, in words that should express love in a beautiful and original way, that only a true love could use and invent for his or her true love.

I need to work on this, because it does extend, in all actuallity, beyond my love. Co-workers, customers, friends, and family are all seemingly subject to this overanalysis of casual conversation as literature. As always having deeper meaning than the surface intent. Too many psychological implications trying to persuade my everyday life? Insecurities of mine reaching the crest of the ocean and gasping for air?

Regardless of the larger implications, I need to stop allowing my mind to draw conclusions from simple words used during simple times. It is fun and enjoyable to look into the deeper meanings of movies, songs, poems and novels; but everyday conversation between two friends, or two lovers, isn't suppose to be that intense. Here I commit myself to hearing "Heart you" and thinking "I love you so much, every day, evermore!" instead of "Pooky."

1 comment:

  1. Hey, I really like your writing! I wanted to check one of the boxes at the bottom, but the fact that one of the options is "love" & I just read quite a critique of using the term lightly. This kinda blew my mind, so inded, I didn't want to check that particular box before putting more thought into if that is the proper term... Amyway, awesome writing I am enjoying the read very much & look forward to more!!!